“Listen to my story. This…may be our last chance.”
Oh, wait that’s a Final Fantasy X reference hahaha. That’s totally like me to write a reference as an opening to my first blog. I’m the queen of making references and I love doing it. It’s apart of me.
Hello and welcome to Kaytlyn’s Blog. This is a place where I’ll share my thoughts on deeper subjects or what ever is on my mind. There is no censors no trigger content warning you read this blog at your own risk.
As I am writing this I’m having a cup of coffee. The nectar of the gods. Oh, here’s another thing. I’m completely random. I may talk about one thing then move on to the next then back to the original thing I was talking about or a totally different one all together.
Why am I writing?
I’m always stuck in my head. I get so lost in thought and I thought it would be helpful to get thoughts out. Do I expect replies? Yes, but you don’t have to reply to anything I’ve said you can just read it and enjoy whatever I’m talking about. This is just my perspective and how I see things and how my mind works. Fun right? Who knows.
About me
I’m a trans woman, I’ve been in transition for over a year. In fact 1 year and 2 months. I figured all of this out about 2 years ago.
At first I thought I was genderfluid. What’s that mean? A person who identifies as Genderfluid can fluctuate between genders and non gender. I felt that wasn’t the right one for me.
I felt more feminine and not at all Masculine.
I went to talk to a friend of mine that’s become like a mentor to me. He’s been extremely helpful helping me find myself. He asked me several questions and after a debate with myself that only took a few hours mind you. I started to put pieces of my life together.
“Stay a while and listen”
In my younger years after deep thought I found few pieces to the puzzle. One year for Halloween I wanted to be a princess, and I was. This was the first time I was in feminine clothing. I didn’t think much of it at that time. Second case was that I specifically asked for a Barbie doll for one Christmas which I did get and I would do her hair and dress her up and such.
I never really felt comfortable in my own body, I just didn’t realize it. Why didn’t I realize it? I lost someone close to me at a young age and it just flipped my world upside down, and I still haven’t recovered from it.
I think about things differently then other people. Another piece of the puzzle down the road was that I went in my folks room while they were gone and tried on my mom’s clothing. Shockingly I felt really good, but I was scared to even talk about it. These are things we didn’t talk about in that time. I’d put on pantyhose and wear one of her blouses and skirts. I hid what I had so I could feel even more fem while in those clothes. Yet… I didn’t figure it out. I was in denial with myself. I felt very insecure with my own thoughts that I just stuffed them down.
Get in my Delorean and I paraphrase When this baby hits 88 mph you’re going to see some serious shit. Jump ahead school wise I never felt like one of the boys. I was always awkward around them. I hit puberty the first one earlier then then my peers. Mainly because I was held back in the first grade because I couldn’t read. Anyways after all that was done I moved out of the house and on my own.
I was learning about the LGBTQ community, and I found out I was bisexual. I started dating men. Well I don’t know if I’d say dating… I’ll leave that to your imagination for now. Anyways, I met this guy at a job I had started. The entire dating men thing was fresh and new and exciting and overwhelming and confusing. Who was I becoming? What kinda person was I going to be? These questions popped into my head
It took me a while to ask this man out. He accepted but it took me a lot to be able to even ask him out. I didn’t know how that world worked or what not I just wanted to find out. I found out that this man was a cross dresser (his own decision) and taught me about pronouns that she preferred while dressed up.
Anyways he takes me out to the local gay bar. I was a wreck. I was so nervous and scared and had no idea what I was getting myself into. It was a new experience and I was learning about things that I had no idea that they existed. She was dancing with me and had an emergency come up where he had to run to take care of a friend.
She told another one of her friends to watch me. She said “Take care of her and make sure she’s safe.” This was the first time in my life someone had called me a her. At the time I thought nothing of it. I didn’t object, I didn’t correct her. I felt comfortable with that. This later on would be another puzzle piece.
Jump into my TARDIS we’re going a bit further ahead in my timeline.
I started to cross dress for a bit. Honestly I didn’t know why, it’s something that made me feel really good about myself. I only stopped because I was too afraid of people and their reactions. Funny how I don’t care about that now as I once did. This was another piece.
By now the pieces were adding up. Bringing me to a clearer picture. Analyzing, re-analyzing, I thought to myself this is all adding up to something. I took a look back and realized hey I’m a woman. So I started HRT.
Kaytlyn Dakota 